Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
