so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
