i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
