Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
