i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Every concussion has its silver lining
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
