I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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