i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize