onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
