So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize