I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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