Only a mothe r could love this liver
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
