So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
