Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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