im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
