wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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