i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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