wat bout pragnant strippers??
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
