I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
