at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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