What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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