oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
