You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
