Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
