Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
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He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
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You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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