Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
