I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
