apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
