you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
