clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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