They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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