How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We need a shit load of segways right now
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
