please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
