so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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