That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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