I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
