i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
