Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
