There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
