I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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