yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
