when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
