I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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