Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
