OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I don't deserve a penis
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
