i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
