youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
