Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
