Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
