3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
