Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
