I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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