And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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