Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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