Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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