Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
