We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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