i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Randomize
