I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
