I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I didn't shave. On purpose
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
