I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I want her autograph on my taint
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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